How to avoid people who always complain

They're contagious and won't accept any solution. Use lightheartedness and humor, without becoming aggressive.

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people who complain

The typical character is recognizable with the naked eye. He approaches with a sad expression, head down, eyes looking elsewhere, without a hint of a smile, and delivers his lash: the relentless lament. A regret multiplied x times, which brooks no reply, no advice, no sympathy, but simply wants to vent and considers you more or less a wastebasket (his sad, self-referential thoughts).

Once you've identified your potential adversary, you have no choice but to avoid him. Neither of you can do anything, and the only effect of your weakness, if you choose to listen to his complaints, is contagious. Your mood will change, you'll feel drained of energy, you'll give in to pessimism, normalizing its devastating impact, and you'll experience a sense of unease mixed with anger. And you won't be of any use to the person who just bit you with his whining, because he won't listen to you anyway.

The contagious effect that comes from those who make complaining their linguistic signature does not require particular scientific confirmation, even if it is a very widespread attitude.

  • Humans have a natural tendency to mirror the emotions of others, a phenomenon called emotional contagionWhen someone complains constantly, negative emotions (frustration, anger, sadness) can also "pass through" to the listener.
  • This happens on both a psychological and neurological level: the brain activates circuits similar to those of someone who is directly experiencing the emotion. By the way, constant complaining can also reduce the tendency to seek solutionsBy listening only to problems and frustrations, the mind tends to focus on difficulties rather than possible actions.

In 2009, Nicholas A. Christakis, a physician, and James H. Fowler, a social researcher, published a book entitled  Connected: The Surprising Power of Our Social Networks and How They Shape Our Lives (translated into Italian with the title  Connected: The surprising power of our social networks and how they affect our lives, and published by Sperling & Kupfer). With this text they managed to demonstrate how emotional contagion circulates, which starts precisely from people who constantly complain and then spreads through social networks. Without a constructive outlet, because we all know well, even from practical experience, that complaining is one of the most useless things you can do.

Of course, keeping the large number of complainers in active service at bay doesn't mean ignoring those going through difficult times or failing to help those in need. These are people who generally don't like to show their pain and don't complain, even if they have good reasons to do so.
But how do you walk away from an incessant complainer with style, kindness, and without violence—let's say with the necessary softness? It's not necessary to be aggressive, also because you risk turning into a person who is "strong with the weak and weak with the strong," but rather to be equipped with two natural, always effective weapons: lightness and thehumor.
The first is a vaccine that works very well against the emotional contagion of easy complaining. The second is always the best solution, also because it leaves no traces or scars.

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