How Much Empathy Matters in Life

Empathy, which some confuse with sympathy, perhaps due to a trivial phonetic assonance, is not difficult to identify and define: it is the ability to understand the other, to feel on their side, even without necessarily agreeing, to look beyond the cumbersome, one's own navel. And here things can get more complicated, given that we are too squeezed into the funnel of lives that we regulate with the clock of the presenteeism (everything now and immediately, everything in a hurry, everything with a level of attention lower than that of goldfish) and with a tendency, well-oiled by the compulsive use of technological prostheses, to always have an excellent opinion of themselves, to be concentrated only on the small (not even ancient, but rigid) world that revolves around the Self, and its twin version, the Ego. or rather the minefield of the narcissismand indifference, two very human weaknesses that risk ruining our lives, weakening them and making them sterile, if not even rather boring.

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Benefits of empathy

On the other hand, once grasped, empathy is a mine of natural gifts, which, contrary to its absence, brings light, energy, and a passionate "joie de vivre." Everything seems easier for empathetic people.: they create relationships even when contacts are difficult and the interlocutor has a thick skinThey solve problems and conflicts (even anticipating them before they arise) thanks to good relationships with others, and simply because they are able to “put yourself in their shoes”. But empathy, in its richness, also produces side effects. It pushes us to cultivate doubt, not to feel omniscient, and therefore stupidly arrogant; not to judge others so easily, and with the tone of a severe teacher, from elementary school or even high school; to to listen Before speaking and talking to oneself. To not look at the world and the lives of others through black-and-white bifocals.

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The value of empathy

Once upon a time, there were only concerns from ordinary lives, from a natural suspicion of others' intentions (could they hurt me? What do they really want from me?) to a more radical rejection of relationships. Now we struggle to even see the Other before seeking them out. And the Other is synonymous with Everyone: it's the person with whom we share an important part of our lives; it could be a friend, with their level of intimacy; the friendly relative, whom we enjoy seeing, unlike the uncle or mother-in-law who bore us and fall into the category of "nuisances." But the Other is also someone distant from us, someone who suffers at a physical and mental latitude too distant to be intercepted unless we take up the torch of empathy.

How to become empathetic

Empathy derives from two Greek words: s, which means inside, and pathos, which evokes suffering and anxiety. Therefore it is an active feeling, which needs to be set in motion, even with some small effort, breaking down the wall of fear of others.

You can immediately recognize an empathetic personShe gives some signs that outline her personality and approach to others. She's cheerful, positive, knows how to listen, doesn't talk down to herself, and doesn't stop at the other person's first impression. She can look beyond the superficiality of a human relationship, delicately grasping the emotions and moods of others. She recognizes the difference between superficiality and lightnessShe's not afraid of being alone with herself when necessary; on the contrary, it's a way to be better with others. Seen through these characteristics, empathy is an almost natural, or supernatural, gift, but it can also be acquired—and this is the important thing, not to be squandered—over the course of life. Yes: empaths are sometimes born, but they can always become.

As a natural gift, empathy can be acquired very early, between the first and second years of life: a first level of empathy arrives when a child begins to cry while listening to a peer cry. Later, during childhood, empathy can be developed through the teaching of certain reference figures, such as parents and teachers at school. But according to recent scientific research, empathy can be learned even at an advanced age and there is no "empathy gene"And who are the potential teachers of empathy in adulthood? First of all, friends and, in general, people we love and trust; co-workers; people whose charisma and personality inspire imitation. Thus, we can become empathetic simply by observing others, those who have already become empathetic before us.

The children's lesson

To gain the compass of empathy, perhaps we need to learn from the naturalness of children. Observe them when they are small, and discover that they are always drawn to a face. smiling, from someone who can convey a powerful message, simple, strong and clear: "I'm fine with you." Therefore, the nuance of a smile, of a glance, of a moment of warmth, is decisive in gaining the empathy of the interlocutor.

But be careful not to overdo it. Those who immediately flaunt smiles, jokes, and even excessive energy communicate a desire to please at all costs. This can have the opposite effect, putting us in a position where we're considered insincere and therefore less accepted. Or accepted with considerable reservations.

Empathy is not altruism

Many, simplifying, confuse empathy with kindness or withaltruism. It's not like that. Even cruel and evil people can empathize with others, share their emotions, and in fact, empathy helps them in their evil goals. Empathy can also be driven by good intentions, but lead to catastrophic results: it needs to be combined with clarity, reasonableness, with the added value of that gaze that does not make us indifferent towards others.

To be authentic in our empathetic attitude we must leverage a determining factor: the braveryA triple courage. Opening through the doors of empathy is an unconditional choice, without waiting for anything in return, and therefore contrasts naturally with the distrust that we drag with us towards others. The other, whoever they may be, can frighten us, and distance us from a naturally empathetic attitude. Then there's the habit of regulating human relationships, even the most intimate, those that should be most filled with affection, with force. And empathy is a choice that excludes the use, or worse still, the abuse, of force; this too is a courageous choice. To be empathetic, the ego, the superego of narcissism, must be deflated, which is not easy. Usually, we tend to cultivate our own hypertrophic ego by appearing "nice," with that artificial sympathy that has nothing to do with the naturalness of empathy. And even bending narcissism to empathy is an act of courage. That courage that, as Don Abbondio said, "if one doesn't have it, one can't give it to oneself."

He who cannot feel empathy

There are different gradations To mark the perimeter within which people who lack empathy live. There are cold, detached, indifferent men and women. Cynical. Little interested, even genetically, in others: their lives are consumed around their own navel, the center of the universe. Then there are those who are afraid, and they never take risks, always have a reason to resist and not let themselves go to discover the other and the journey into their intimacy. And again, people who are ill, with a serious pathology, difficult to treat except through the tools of psychoanalysis and psychotherapy: psychopaths. They may also appear brilliant, talkative, and cheerful: but if you look beyond appearances, you easily realize that they don't have feelings.

Famous quotes about empathy

"If what I say resonates with you, it's simply because we are branches of the same tree." William Butler Yeats

Beautiful image of a great poet on what fundamentally unites men: we are all branches of the same treeAnd, in theory, we are all capable of listening to others, of reaching out even to those who seem so distant. In practice, this movement, so simple and natural, sometimes becomes impossible. And we remain paralyzed.

"It's not just the harmony of feelings that unites people's hearts. Their hearts are united even more intimately by wounds. Suffering with suffering. Fragility with fragility." Haruki Murakari

When you love someone, when your heart beats, when the spark goes off desireEven erotically, it's easy to be united. Everything becomes spontaneous. But true union between people develops by dipping hands, feet, and head into the salt of life's wounds. Sometimes very painful.

"Do not mock, do not pity, do not despise, but understand human actions." Baruch spinoza

Understanding is the premise, almost semantic, of empathy. And it is an act of absolute, intelligent freedom.

Lorenzo is incapable of feeling empathy for others. For him, everything outside his emotional circle doesn't exist, it doesn't inspire him. Niccolo Ammaniti

How many of us live barricaded, almost prisoners, of a narrow circle of people we love, to whom we are tied by affections even of a personal origin? familiarLife becomes narrower and less fulfilling. These feelings can't become a prison: others exist too. And we must learn to look at them, with the magic touch of empathy.

How important is empathy in life?