How to Recognize a Violent Man

The signs are clear. The important thing is not to waste them, not to underestimate them. Even when they seem trivial, small. A violent man can be recognized by his first gestures., from the first approaches, which hide an idea of possession of the woman. The slap comes later: first, for example, there may be a jealousy unjustified and obsessive, or the self-presentation of a man who wants to appear flawless, but in reality is full of them. A man whose tone, arguments, and the way he interacts already expose the raw nerve of his tendency toward violence.

In a country like Italy, where we are at almost one femicide every three days, it is time for everyone to ask themselves, without simplifications, a preventive question: Is it possible to recognize a man with violent tendencies in advance? Are women able to recognize, from certain unmistakable signs, the risks they may run with certain types of men? Are they able, through explicit gestures, to understand that they are wasting their health, their feelings, and in some cases, even their lives?

All the experts we consulted on these questions provided the same unequivocal answer: yes, it is possible. And they indicated some loud and clear warnings, even simple to decipher in an anti-violence key. From intolerance of language to the tendency to play the victim. From obsessive jealousy, index of an idea of “possession" of women, to various kinds of paranoia. From alcohol or drug abuse to the habit of explicitly denigrating one's partner. And it is within the viscosity of these behaviors that violence against women simmers, and then explodes, leading to the extreme act of femicide.

We no longer need statistics to understand the extent of the horrific violence women endure every day, every hour, every minute. We no longer need rhetoric and strident appeals to console the seven million women in Italy who have faced brutal assault by a man. We no longer need to consult experts on the human mind to understand how it is possible that every five minutes a girl or boy around the world dies from abuse.

We know everything. At this point, we need only one thing: facts. Concrete reactions , gestures, and actions that can, in non-biblical times, at least reduce this gigantic waste of human life.

Learn to recognize a violent man. From the first moment. And push him away immediately , peremptorily, without giving him a second chance, without discounts and without pity. This is the first barrier against violence that women, even when they are girls and even children, must raise. With their own hands, as usual, and without waiting for anyone's help. Moreover, a violent man is easily recognizable ; it takes very little to unmask him. As, for example, these signs, taken from a text I suggest women carve into their minds, a text from the Journal of International Violence , show us.

Your man wants to organize everything, without even consulting you. He's the one who decides the family budget, the children's schooling, and even their vacations. And if the woman shows even timid gestures of independence, he gets irritated. This is behavior that you might start to worry about.
He always wants to be right, and he doesn't accept any form of contradiction. When there's a problem, he blames others and never acknowledges your successes, which actually annoy him. Behind such self-assurance lies a fragile and perpetually dissatisfied man.
È jealous to the point of obsession, and tries to isolate you from relatives, friends, and co-workers. They consider you their private property and constantly question you about your whereabouts. It's an obsessive jealousy that heralds the arrival of some other, far more serious form of violence.
It tends to arouse feelings of guilt, placing himself on a pedestal compared to your relationship. He does everything he can to keep it solid and stable, while you are inconsistent. He loves unconditionally, while you have too many uncertainties. And jealousy? He considers it a proof of love.
He changes his mood often, and switches very frequently from sweetness toaggressionA true split personality, and when he goes too far, he's quick to apologize. Only to repeat the mistake shortly thereafter.
Manipulate reality, and presents you to others as unstable, fragile, and cumbersome. They shift all blame onto you: a bad sign of self-centeredness.
The man who is inherently violent shows the double face of intolerance and victimhoodHe snaps at the first sign of trouble (traffic strands him, he misses an appointment) and at the same time complains as if the world were against him. He always sees an enemy behind him.
Start with the pushes, then moves on to a slap on the cheek, and then to heavy slaps. A true spiral of violence: it must be stopped immediately, without ifs or buts.

A man's violence, towards a partner, a wife, or even just a friend, ranges from signs involving his mental attitudes and certain reactions, to physical gestures, when he starts raising his hands.

If you can't resolve the issue of domestic violence, remember that you can ask for help . Call 112 or the 24-hour toll- free number 1522. Don't wait too long before doing so: if nothing else, it will serve as a lesson.

Another important thing to do, to get concrete help and support, including psychological support, is to find out where the nearest anti-violence center is located and whether it operates. If so, contact them. One last but important piece of advice: emerge from the solitude of your problem; don't be shy or ashamed. Men's violence is a collective tragedy, and it's they who should be ashamed, not the women who suffer it. Therefore, choose someone who is knowledgeable about your situation and can also offer you helpful advice when the time comes.

You can recognize a violent man from the beginning

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