How to Handle Sister Fights

Anyone lucky enough to raise two daughters knows the title of this film, which is a daily occurrence in real life, all too well: Sisters Against . An inevitable conflict, which, however, is destined to fade over time, creating a union and a bond that no incident along the way can undermine.

Many mothers worry about fights between their daughters, and some suffer greatly. They should read a book, The Eldest Daughter Effect , written by Lisette Schuitemaker, a Dutch coach, and Wies Enthoven, a journalist. Here, they would first discover the virtues of older sisters, who are very similar in the path they face: more responsible, more balanced, capable of caring for their little ones and even becoming their guides and role models.

In short: older sisters, on paper, are winners. But they risk paying a price: according to a Swedish study, they are about 30 percent more likely to be overweight than their younger siblings. Is the game over for younger sisters? Not at all. If you leave them alone, and don't unload your anxieties on them, you'll see the natural conflict between sisters evolve in a positive direction.

There are three reasons for this. The older sister will have played the role of trailblazer, for example, regarding permissions regarding timetables, independence, and autonomy. This is a score that will eventually be repaid, while perhaps initially fueling the younger sister's envy and ingratitude. Second, faced with more responsible, and therefore more reliable, sisters, the younger sisters will need to establish their own space, their own independent character. And they will quickly become very smart, lively, capable of playing on their own and demonstrating the necessary authority. Third, the younger sister, once she has established her own identity and autonomy, will be able to give back to the older sister what she has received. At that point, the conflict will gradually transform into complicity, into a very strong love, and even with the possibility of the roles being reversed. In any case, the opposing sisters will disappear, to make room for the sisters who are best friends. Forever.

In conclusion, the question remains: what to do when two sisters argue? Answer: nothing. Unless it escalates into violence or the arguments become too frequent. Besides, a parent is not an arbiter, a mediator, or a judge. They don't hand out report cards. And when faced with conflict between sisters, they must simply maintain the responsible attention they reserve for their children. Then it will be up to the sisters to find a solution to the argument.

Read also:

• Teaching wonder makes students wiser. And it prevents bullying.
• Educate without yelling. Anger is useless.
• How to Raise Children Well: Little Pests in Etiquette Class
• Anger, an emotion that helps change things. But it must be stopped before it becomes destructive.
• I became a writer thanks to the stories my mother read to me (Wilbur Smith)

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