Consolation: the comfort we can all give

An old friend never misses an obituary, and when a loved one passes away, he writes, always in simple but different and therefore genuine words, his affectionate sympathy for the mourning. One day I asked him, "Why do you do this?" And he replied, "I try to console, and I do it publicly so that it's more effective..."

CONSOLATION

We all need consolation . In times of loss, grief, confusion, the most unpleasant surprise, or a stumble in life's twists and turns, we all feel the need for someone to put a hand on our shoulder, someone who can say something comforting to soothe our wounds. To console us, precisely.

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IMPORTANCE OF CONSOLATION

In the age of superbullies , performance anxiety, and rampant narcissism, consolation can seem like a purely formal and superficial attitude. Useless. Nothing could be further from the truth, and to understand this, it would be enough to glance at the vast literature on the subject. In Greece and ancient Rome, it was a widespread custom to console someone after the death of a friend, even with a poem or a written text: it even gave rise to a profession, with rhetoricians writing consolatory texts for a fee. In the Holy Scriptures, both the Old and New Testaments, consolation is scattered everywhere, and quite explicitly: after all, faith, for those fortunate enough to possess it, is a great consoling agent. A hope for an afterlife that will cleanse and bring justice to everything before and during.

If we all need consolation, no one should be afraid of being consoled. A hug , a kiss , a look , a thought (including my friend's obituary) are gestures that improve our quality of life in the most difficult moments. And let's remember everything when we're sad, including who and how consoled us. Just as we don't forget those who passed away just when we needed their presence. We shouldn't be weak or feel that the consolation we receive from someone is a hollow gesture: our strength also lies in accepting the support of others.

FOR MORE INFORMATION: Friendship, dedicate time to it if you want to cultivate it. And don't always judge the other person. Instead, listen to them.

HOW TO CONSOLE A PERSON

Someone says: the only true consolation comes from time, which, flowing slowly and slowly, cleanses. It helps us forget. This ancient popular belief is certainly wise, but I'm not convinced that time is enough to overcome the obstacle of grief. And in any case, while time is something we cannot grasp, but only perceive and perhaps wait for, consolation is a gesture, real and vital. It is a moment of carnality, where the flesh of our body has been flayed by an event that causes us pain. Furthermore, the passage of time and consolation leaves everything within us, while consolation, on the other hand, means intimacy , community , sharing . And therefore, authentic love.

WHAT DOES CONSULAR MEAN?

Consolation is also dismissed by those who, with a rather ideological attitude, consider it a placebo to which, sooner or later, we become accustomed, thus risking the bad habit of feeling sorry for ourselves, complaining too much and too frequently, and waiting for the moment of consolation. Perhaps. To this objection, I respond with a beautiful phrase from Pascal: "Little is enough to console us, because little is enough to grieve us." This, too, is human weakness: our capacity to grieve at the first obstacle: but it's no reason to become stingy with consolation.

CONSOLATION FAMOUS PHRASES

• "Blessed is he who can say: I have dried a tear." Joseph Giusti

Consolation, being able to give it, to donate it, means the certainty that we have climbed over the wall of indifference . We don't want to be alone, and we don't feel alone. We feel for others, and this is a blessing.

• "A laugh is always a consolation." Herman Melville

It's not just hugs, caresses, and sad gestures that console you. There's also the power of a consoling laugh .

• "Often those who want to console are the most ferocious of tormentors." Antonio Gramsci

The pessimism of his intelligence led Gramsci to focus on false consolers. Hypocritical and deceitful people who unfortunately crowd our daily lives. To defend ourselves, we simply need to recognize them.

• "Reading was my consolation." Paul auster

Reading, besides being an absolute pleasure, is also a gentle form of self-soothing. Without distressing others.

• "No one is useless in this world if he is capable of lightening another man's burdens." Charles Dickens

Our usefulness in the world also depends on how much we can do for others. And not just for ourselves.

USEFUL FEELINGS FOR LIVING BETTER:

• Discover the pleasures and well-being that kindness brings. Your health improves.
• Obedience, because we must consider it a virtue. Without conformity but with humility.
• Honesty: Its Value in a Corrupt Country