What makes a love truly eternal: care

In the end, when time extinguishes passion, when desire fades, when habit has eroded the body and heart like a drop of water, of true love, this one destined to last forever, only one thing remains: care. Taking care of the other, with care, solicitude, delicacy. And continuity.

The care was removed from the civilization of the Self, which tends to always and only put ourselves at the center of the universe, leaving marginal spaces of our feelings and our time to others. And instead it is a typical dialogic virtue, the driving force of a relationship that can involve two single people or even the relationship between a leader and his peopleA politician lacking thoughtfulness, for example, will always be inclined to betray his voters, to ignore them until the moment of voting, when he needs them. A thoughtful politician, on the other hand, broadens the horizon of his goals to what is defined as the common good. something that comes before our individual interest.

The exercise of thoughtfulness is an almost obsessive search for a equilibrium between what we have to do, and the related action, and what we just have to take in and to listen, waiting for the right time. An overly attentive parent, tainted by zeal and a visceral and selfish love, risks harming their children, making them insecure and lacking in independence. The care is not intrusive, does not slip into the ritual of obsequiousness, it imposes a pause for reflection and even meditation. Once again, excess can do harm. A man who is too attentive to his woman descends into formalism, into that education made of symbols and attitudes, but very poor in substance. And sooner or later he pays the price, with the loss of authority.

The ancient Romans knew very well the line of demarcation, the border, which haste must never cross. The historian Suetonius attributed to the emperor Augustus the ancient motto 'Festina lente', an apparent oxymoron, the right dosage, in reality, in the balance of our behaviors. We manage to be effective with our attentions, when we mix firmness with caution, the conviction of an idea, perhaps of help, to be carried forward, with the softness in proposing it, without forcing it.

Thoughtfulness is a game of emotions. A slow but moving navigation into people's hearts, attempting to penetrate them smoothly and deeply. And in this approach, it is a virtue that cures the deadly disease of indifference combined with narcissismOthers are there, waiting for us, and need us. But that doesn't mean we have to attack them or go hunting for the scalp of their will.

Careful famous phrases

•  Fabrizio De André

Time needs to expand to gain a horizon. And also to provide us with a compass in life, capable of orienting us towards caring for others. And to inoculate us against the dark evil of indifference. 

•  Sarah McCoy

The more time passes in any love loveA couple, a family, a friendship, and the more everyday care, even the smallest, becomes crucial. Without it, love doesn't last; it floats and then fades.

•  Françoise de La Rochefoucauld

This is a classic example of excessive attention. We received attention, a gesture of generosity, and we need to "pay back" quickly. Why the rush?

• Pope Francesco

We can't reserve our concern only for the small circle of people we associate with. Too few.

• <… Immersed in an indifferent crowd that is always in a hurry> Bernarde Moitessier

It is the other most common meaning of care, a synonym of hurry which makes us prisoners of the present. And, according to the Latin etymology of the word, there who cares.

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