Tenderness: a cure for the body and soul

We are overwhelmed by cynicism, narcissism, and indifference. Therefore, tenderness has little place in our lives. Yet it is a very powerful feeling, which signals strength, not weakness.

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REDISCOVERING TENDERNESS

Is there still room for tenderness in our lives? In a world plunged into the chaos of performance anxiety, of harsh and uncompromising competition, of navel-gazing narcissism, where everything seems to boil down to the ego and the ego alone , is it still possible to practice this very particular form of love, affection, and understanding? If we were to rely on current events, on everyday experience, we would have to conclude with a negative answer: no, tenderness, " the strength of a humble love " according to Dostoevsky 's apt definition , has no place.

We are overwhelmed by cynicism, and merely pronouncing the word tenderness risks dragging us into the quicksand of sentimentality, that sweet honey that doesn't have the flavor of a feeling but only the aftertaste of a sensation now evaporated.

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And yet tenderness , if we know how to uncover it through the magnifying glass of an observer without moral prejudice, often surrounds us . Perhaps hidden in the folds of a strange love for a pet, an affection for a particularly dear neighbor, a popular face who leaves us suddenly. Psychiatrist Eugenio Borgna writes in a splendid little book ( Tenderness , Einaudi editions): “There is no cure for the soul and the body, if it is not accompanied by tenderness. Today, even more than in the past, it is necessary to bring us together.”

Seen up close, tenderness is a powerful , even revolutionary, feeling. Its deepest roots lie in the roots of Judaism and Christianity. It's no coincidence that tenderness and mercy are translated in Hebrew with the same term, rachamin, which evokes a maternal, protective affection capable of bringing us out of our individual shell and revealing even the most remote corners of the other. A medicine, a painless therapy against indifference.

Tenderness, let's be clear, is not flaccid, it is not weak , it does not signal an innate fragility. On the contrary, it is the raw material of strong, combative people, equipped with a passion that does not stop at the trends of the time. But rather, it challenges them, in the name of a revolution under the banner of tenderness.

The tenderness it does not only evoke a good disposition towards others, an ability to soften one's feelings and direct them toward what makes our heart beat. There is also, in the Latin etymology of the word, tenderness, the idea of ​​"moving beyond," not getting stuck on appearances, on the wounds of an insult or a gesture we struggle to forget. Moving beyond, looking forward, without wasting energy on resentment, and with the natural fuel ofempathy.
When we say we feel tenderness for someone, we can think of many things. For example, a sense of care, compassion, and complicity, towards a person we feel going through the tunnel of pain. Or solidarity for those who are crushed by the law of the strongest, by the narcissism dominant. In any case, the person who makes us feel tender, shakes us, accompanying us out of the routine of boredom, of apathy and indifference.

Famous quotes about tenderness

  • "Tenderness and kindness are not synonymous with desperation and weakness, but an expression of strength and determination." Khail Gibran

A person's strength and determination also stem from their ability to be tender. It seems contradictory, but it's the way people who don't want to waste their feelings view the world. And they know how to be weak with the weak, and strong with the strong. Not the other way around.

 

  • "Without tenderness you can't resist." Sàndor Màrai

Life has its moments when the most we can do is resist. A great pain, an unexpected defeat, the disappointment that hits us from behind. These are phases in which we need a good capacity for resistance , to avoid succumbing to events, and tenderness is a very useful ingredient for increasing our capacity to resist.

 

  • "If you want, I will be irreproachably gentle: not a man, but a cloud in trousers." Vladimir Mayakovsky

A poetic image of tenderness, linked to the world of clouds. Where we dream, even with our eyes open, and from where we observe the world with the Calvinist lightness of swallows.

 

  • "Don't be afraid of tenderness" Pope Francesco

The Pope's appeal is linked to the frequent distortion we make of the meaning of tenderness, comparing it to a sign of weakness. This is why it frightens us. And this is why we need to delve deeply into its true meaning.

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