The pleasure of conversation is learned, first of all, by listening

A good conversation, said the philosopher Ernst JungerIt's a compromise between speaking and listening. And it's precisely this chemistry that makes conversation productive, enjoyable, and useful. Don't waste it. Conversation, after all, is a method. And like all methods, it needs to be cultivated, with the right keys. Knowing that we've long since lost easy access to dialogue, replacing it with a series of short, very superficial, jumbled and disordered communications. Often virtual. Or with shouting, invective, clichés, the prejudiceConversation in this sense is a crucial tool for cultivating, developing, and deepening authentic, solid human relationships.

How to carry on a conversation

This is why being able to converse with another person is a lifestyle, a wellness path, of serenity, which takes you far. These are our ten essential tips.

• Listen and don't talk to yourselfThe first and fundamental rule of conversation is the ability to understand what is being said to us. To do this, we must learn to remain in silence when necessary and try not to overlap.
• Using the bodyBody language is often more effective than a thousand words. Your gaze can immediately tell if you're distracted or bored. For this reason, if you want a productive conversation, avoid distractions and always look people in the eye.
• Off to a good startA good start is half the battle, simply because it allows you to immediately establish a connection with the other person, putting them at ease. A good approach is to start with a compliment like "You look great" or "What a beautiful smile you have." The important thing, however, is not to overdo it and always appear sincere.
• Seeking common ground for dialogueExplore shared interests, even small ones. It helps create a positive atmosphere; the right connection is essential for good conversation.
• The smile, the friendliness, the good mannersThree essential ingredients. Always try to put the other person at ease. Kindness and small gestures will immediately put the conversation on the right level and easily break the ice.
• No smartphones or cell phonesIf you want to talk and truly engage, keep all sources of distraction away, especially cell phones and smartphones. Unexpected text messages and calls can destroy your connection, and re-establishing it is never easy.
• Don't scare those who talk to youTo have a mutually beneficial and non-one-way exchange, it's essential not to overwhelm. Often, using too much force in arguments is completely counterproductive.
• LightnessEspecially when the topics are difficult, tough, sad, and challenging, learn to defuse the situation and lighten the conversation. This helps maintain concentration and allow you to approach more challenging topics more calmly.
• Open up to your interlocutorDon't be rigid or closed off, and don't be intimidated by more personal and direct questions. The goal of the conversation is to establish connection, and that's impossible if you're not willing to share something about yourself.
• The right greetingWhen you say goodbye, never give the impression of a farewell, but only of a see you later. Instead, use a device to set up a new conversation opportunity to pick up where you left off.

How to stimulate conversation

Sometimes the conversation doesn't get going. Everyone stays on their own, and the spark that encourages the exchange of ideas, stories, and emotions isn't ignited. What can you do to stimulate conversation? Here, you have to take risks and break out of the shadows of excessive modesty. For example, starting with the most direct stories from your own life, experiences you've lived firsthand, not just hearsay. Or asking your interlocutors something personal, which isn't the usual question of circumstance (How are you? What are you doing in life? Who are you seeing?): a jolt is needed and the personal is an ideal breeding ground for sparking conversation.

How to keep the conversation going

For a thousand reasons, which would take too long to summarize, conversation can become exhausting and waste the vital energy it still contains. To keep it alive, a spark is needed, even a flash of imagination. Start, for example, with: a direct and also a little provocative question. Or from the curiosity about a recent event that struck you and you want to share. Pique your interlocutor's curiosity, and keep in mind that keeping a conversation going is harder than starting it. But it's worth it.

How to find good conversation topics

There are three ways to find, and always have, good topics of conversation available.

• The first: don't pontificate, don't assume the position of the know-it-all, bearer of the truth. He who addresses others with the provocative and rhetorical question, "But what are we talking about?" The second: follow the five questions of good journalism (An article, after all, is a means of conversation with the reader.) Who, how, when, where, and why. That's more than enough.
• Third track: don't repeat yourself. Conversation is enjoyable and not wasted when the topics vary freely, without fixed boundaries and with everyone's opportunity to express their opinion.

Read also:

• Conversation: Why is it so important?
• How to learn to listen
• How to avoid unnecessary arguments