How to make a couple last

Married life is tough. In some phases it is even a race, a fight, of resistance.Of the small and wise compromise, of steps forward and backward, of tolerance that over time becomes one, blended into authentic love. renunciations.

How to make a couple last

With the company short divorce Separating is easy. Much easier than building a long-lasting family life, one of stability in the storm of a relationship. Despite everything, We are still the OECD country where marriages last the longest, an average of 16 years., perhaps due to the famous adaptability of Italians or to that genetic tendency to compose rather than break, a strong point of our peasant population.

• La ductility It's a strength, not a weakness. In a relationship, you can't be rigid, but flexible. And knowing how to take a step back when necessary is a step that's worth many more.
• Close any dispute, even bitter, throughout the day. And try not to drag it out for too long, indefinitely. In this case, it's obvious that sooner or later the shadow of resentment will loom over the couple, a waste of time, energy, and love.
• Il compliance It must never fail, even when the conflict is heated and well-motivated. It's one thing to argue, but it's another to insult each other, which amounts to a form of physical and psychological violence.
• Always try to cultivate physical attraction, even when time might dull the heat of passion. To rekindle it, it takes very little, even a gesture, a caress, a kiss. As if it were the first.
• To each his own timeWe are not all the same, even when it comes to managing our emotions, good or bad. Some people need more time to expand their good emotions and let the bad ones subside. We need to give them that time.
• No scores to settle with the pastIn a lasting relationship, the past must become memory, remembrance, or at most nostalgia. But it's not a matter of settling scores yet. Those settle quickly and don't drag on forever.
• Courting more than onceA great psychoanalyst said: A marriage that lasts is one in which you marry more than once. Very clear.
• Don't feel forced to make sacrificesA couple exists in mutual autonomy and freedom. Reasonable, bilateral concessions (with related adjustments) are one thing; a lethal, constant state of "sacrificed life" is another.
• Always give your partner space and freedom. That is, don't suffocate him with the noose of jealousy, of constant demands, of an oppressive desire to be together forever. Which is impossible.
• Embrace change. Only fools think they'll never change, and even they can't. Change is human nature, and it's a sign of vitality. Accept it and maybe share it.
• The elasticity of a couple It's its ability to cope with any wave motion, all at once. And waves generally come and go without causing damage.

In any case, resisting is not a downward lifestyle choice. It doesn't mean giving up your own happinessElke Heidenreich and Bernd Schoreder tell this well in their book, This bizarre thing called love (Astoria editions), where they reconstruct all the corners of a cohabitation that lasted twenty years.

I could give you a long list of recipes, all virtual, that allow a couple to last a long time. But it would be pointless, because ultimately each of us comes up against our own experiences and even our own limitations. It's better to remind you of a story my mother told. She too managed to endure for a long time with her husband and four sons, with whom she always urged me to "endure," as if this verb were not a sacrifice but a part of happiness. And enduring means having and acknowledging autonomy, even in the person we love most, defending and conquering our own space, and rounding out reality when truly necessary. To build, not to destroy.

Building often means starting from the beginning, and in the case of a couple, from the magical initial moment, that of courtship, the racing heart, the uncertainty of the final outcome and the right approach. Even a couple's life is made up of phases, and not all are the same or can have the same level of interest and passion. But one thing is certain: you have to choose the right one. fidelityA fidelity that must be nurtured over time, because if we want to last with our partner, it's not enough to cultivate common interests, not give up intimacy, or know how to share space and silence. We also need to renew our relationship. That is, return to courtship, to the pursuit of winning over the other. As if we were holding our breath again. This regeneration can truly help couples last a long time.

• The reciprocal kindness, which means having a style in the relationship, without affectation but with naturalness
• Sharing each other's weaknesses, not making a drama out of it and understanding each other
• Easing tensions, even with the forces of theirony, and close them during the day, without dragging them into the following days, thus opening the doors to mutual rancor.

Read also:

• You can never have too much patience
• The pleasure of dialogue
• What does it mean to have empathy?