Pointless discussions are obvious: the interlocutor, the sole bearer of the Absolute Truth, refuses to be cross-examined, has no doubts about what he says, and tends to downplay any objection, even the most well-founded. Conversely, a discussion, which certainly doesn't preclude disagreement, even strong, is useful if, in the end, at least one person has learned something, cleared up a misunderstanding, or found a solution. If, however, the same arguments are repeated, only increasing anger or the desire to prevail, it's probably not worth continuing.
If you try to mentally calculate, roughly, the time you've wasted in the last day, month, or year alone with pointless discussions, you risk ending up in a labyrinth and becoming disheartened. Minutes, hours, which then become, according to the golden rule carved into the memory by Totò ("it's the sum that makes the total"), parts of life: all wasted time , and in the long run unsustainable due to the damage it causes, whereas time remains one of our most precious resources, which we should use with a certain parsimony.
Pointless discussions are like a fan, covering a range of behaviors that concern the private sphere, even the most intimate, and the public one, where the dogma in this case is represented by the ritual of the "televised debate" through which one should understand something more but instead risks becoming even more confused.
There are couples, husband and wife, cohabitants, lovers, of the same or opposite sex, who over time specialize in pointless arguments. "Honey, why do you insist on always asking me to tidy up my room?" And hence the endless discussion about who creates chaos in the house and who suffers it, a pointless debate since in this matter we are all perpetrators and victims. "Honey, is it possible that you always fall asleep in front of the television?" And hence another discussion that touches on the Grand Systems, namely how to coexist with diversity, and try to last a long time with reasonable chemistry as a couple, or why falling asleep in front of a screen, on which perhaps stupid things are circulating, is not a sign of disrespect, but a banal and very human symptom of tiredness.
A pointless argument, in the private sphere, can escalate into intimate details, and in this case, a deluge of unnecessary words and wasted time is as certain as sunshine on a summer's day. One of the two snores, and the other pays the price: the pointless discussion begins with the usual advice on how to stop snoring , and continues endlessly toward the unknowns of science regarding why we snore and the certainties of good manners that should ensure we avoid inflicting life sentences on the person sleeping next to us. The question: instead of descending into a tunnel of pointless discussion, isn't it much simpler to find a way and space, if possible, to not always sleep next to each other?
A question that well expresses the first and essential category to apply to avoid pointless discussions: common sense . It's not something you study at Harvard, but since it's a basic subject, in terms of knowledge, and very easy to apply daily, it's just a matter of making an effort not to waste it. Other categories to apply to avoid pointless (private) discussions are:
- Recognizing the diversity between people, Each one, one by one, as a resource and not a constraint. And perhaps joke about how we're not alike at all. Never, even when we seem that way.
- Feel, like the notes of your favorite music, the vital breath of lightness, in your life as a couple, as in any human relationship.
- Don't repeat the same topics like the liturgy of a mass., go and look forward and not back, even in discussions.
- Shorten the debate time, open and close it quickly, say by the end of the day.
- Thus, we avoid the poisonous after-effects of pointless discussions (another waste, as they poison, sometimes even irreparably, the quality of a relationship), which are part of the whole "let's talk about it" (uselessly) package.
- very trivially, respect others, don't accept the senseless and false idea that "in life everyone is made a certain way, and you can never change", but neither do you sit on the elementary school teacher's desk, with your finger pointed at someone else's neck, to teach them the verb "How do you live in the world?"
- Never cling to a conviction, and try not to feel like the incarnation of the Living Oracle when you speak. We all, absolutely all, spout a lot of nonsense throughout our banal existences. And no one is obliged to listen to it forever.
- Change the subject, on the fly, as soon as the shadow of useless discussion appears on the balcony of our daily lives.
- Let the other vent, If his desire for a pointless discussion is unstoppable, apply Dante's ancient rule of "pay no attention to them, but look and pass by." Irrelevant and useless things and words have no right to become indispensable.
If these antidotes to pointless arguments convince you, you can apply them, given their simplicity, to any human relationship, to any interpersonal relationship. As parents and grandparents; as friends and co-workers; when you have to face a meeting or if you find yourself in a family context with a high risk of a head-on collision (Christmas rituals, for example, are a typical example).
And you can use the same mechanism for the quintessential pointless discussions, those concerning public life (the well-known "public debate"), whose now certified and established agora is the talk show stage. Here, acting as conductors, are excellent professionals (we don't say this out of corporate spirit, but because it's a truly complicated profession, requiring diverse talents), all trained in the school of the inventor-master of the Italian-style talk show , Maurizio Costanzo, an absolute TV champion. Then there are the various musicians, with their respective instruments (on TV, it's the faces, expressions, shouts, gestures that count: everything that gets a listener), usually politicians with few ideas and many slogans to recite like poems in school, and journalists called upon to create the right context for the discussion, which, possibly, must then erupt into a brawl (of different sizes: small, medium, large, and extra large).
Precisely thanks to the professionalism of a good host, not all the repetitive public discussions on talk shows, perpetually striving for ratings , are useless. Indeed, in some cases, they truly help us understand differing opinions and the very nature of the issue being discussed, as well as measuring the speaker's ability—at least his communication skills. But in many cases, the utter futility of televised discussion is more than evident, if not for the orchestra and its members, certainly not for those who listen and participate passively. How can we avoid this waste of television (here, not only are we wasting time, but also our sleep, in an age where sleeping well is, sadly, not the rule, but the exception)? Once again, the compass of common sense helps us find a simple and immediate solution: turn off the television and converse live with other betrayed viewers (or read a book and go to sleep), or simply change the channel.
Famous quotes about pointless discussions
Mark Twain
First of all, stupid people, whose mothers are always pregnant (as an old Neapolitan proverb goes), deserve all the protection possible: they bring lightness, with their superficiality, and also hearty laughter, because they usually tend to compensate for their lack of intelligence with humor. But if you engage in any argument with a stupid person, hoping to convince them and be convinced yourself, you're just wasting your time: you won't get anywhere.
Lao Tzu
Silence is a clear and strong response. It should be used at the right time, especially when speaking is definitely useless.
Confucius
There's a time for speaking and a time for doing, a time for words and a time for deeds. Those enlightened by sobriety and simplicity know the difference between the two, and don't measure everything solely on small talk, often in a barroom setting.
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