Ghosting Hurts More Than Rejection: An Italian Study Explains Why

To disappear suddenly, without a message or explanation, leaving the other person in a limbo of doubts and questions. It's the ghosting, a social phenomenon that is now widespread, but whose effects on mental health have only recently been scientifically analyzed.

A new Italian study conducted by the University of Milan-Bicocca has experimentally demonstrated for the first time what many already suspected: Ghosting hurts more than an explicit rejection.

But what is ghosting and why is it such a popular phenomenon today?

Index of topics

What is Ghosting?

The term “ghosting” (from the English ghost, ghost) describes the act of abruptly cutting off all forms of communication with a person with whom one has a bond (romantic, friendly, or even professional) without providing any explanation.

As experts point out, this is not a simple "retreat", but a total disappearance: you no longer respond to messages, calls, and you may end up blocking the other person on all social media channels.

It is a passive-aggressive closing strategy which leaves the person who suffers it (the “ghost”) without a fundamental element: closure (closure).

Shades of ghosting

Ghosting isn't always a complete disappearance. Its subtle, very common variations include:

Slow Fade (or Caspering): The "slow disappearance." The person doesn't suddenly disappear, but they reduce communication, responding after hours or days, with increasingly brief and disinterested messages, forcing the other person to "figure out for themselves" that it's over. This is a more "cowardly" form of ghosting.
Orbiting: Perhaps the cruelest. The person disappears from direct communication (messages, calls) but continues to “orbit” In someone else's digital life: they look at all their Instagram Stories, they like a post. This fuels confusion and ties in perfectly with the question, "So they're thinking of me!"
Zombieing: When the “ghost”, after months of absolute silence, suddenly reappears with a banal message (e.g. “Hi, how are you?”), as if nothing had happened, destabilizing the person who had (with difficulty) moved on.

Silence is ostracism

But why this? silence Is it that painful? The study by researchers at Bicocca University compared three scenarios:

An explicit refusal (“I don't want to see you anymore”),
Il ghosting (disappearance),
An justified disappearance (check).

The results are unequivocal: ghosting is the strategy that causes the most emotional pain.

The scientific explanation is that explicit rejection, although unpleasant, is clear and somehow preserves the other's existence. Ghosting, on the other hand, is perceived by the brain as a form of social ostracism.

As the study highlights, this deliberate silence attacks one of our basic human needs: need to belongBeing “ghosted” is equivalent to feeling invisible, socially excluded, and the human brain, for evolutionary reasons, reacts to this exclusion with a acute pain, similar to the physical one.

The impact on mental health

The psychological consequences for those who experience ghosting can be significant. The lack of explanation triggers a vicious cycle of mental rumination:

Self-blameThe victim, having no external motive, looks for the blame within himself: “What did I do wrong?”, “What did I say?”.
Anxiety e drop in self-esteemUncertainty and feeling “not worthy” of even an answer deeply undermine self-esteem.
Difficulty “closing”: Without a fixed point, the brain is unable to process the end of the relationship, remaining stuck in an expectation that generates anxiety and, in the most serious cases, depressive symptoms.

This phenomenon is particularly relevant among young people. Growing up in the era of dating app and digital communication, young people are more exposed to this “fluidity” of relationships, which can lead to ghosting being normalized as an acceptable, if painful, way to end a relationship.

Ghosting in Friendships and at Work: Not Just in Love

While ghosting is primarily associated with online dating and romantic relationships, this behavior is also spreading alarmingly into two other key relational areas:friendship and workIn these contexts, the impact can be, if anything, even more destabilizing.

Friendly ghosting

When a friend, perhaps a longtime one, disappears into thin air, the pain can be profound and disorienting. Unlike a romantic relationship, which is often subject to emotional ups and downs, friendship is generally perceived as a stable bond, a “safe haven” based on mutual respect and affection.

Ghosting by a friend is experienced as a inexplicable betrayal, which directly attacks a person's value. Without the "excuse" of chemistry or lost attraction, those who suffer from it tend to feel even more deeply guilty ("What did I do that was so terrible to be erased like this?"), undermining their confidence in their relational abilities.

Professional ghosting

Another rapidly growing phenomenon is "professional ghosting." This manifests itself in two main forms:

In recruiting: It is increasingly common for candidates, even after having had several interviews and receiving positive feedback, to be “ghosted” by the recruiter or the company, who stops responding to emails and calls. This behavior generates frustration, anxiety, and leaves the professional in a state of limbo that prevents them from focusing on other opportunities.
Between colleagues or with clients: Ghosting also occurs between colleagues working on the same project who stop communicating, blocking the workflow, or by clients who disappear when it's time to finalize a deal or, worse, make a payment.

In the professional sphere, the impact is not only psychological (sense of devaluation, performance anxiety), but also practical and economicalA “ghosted” professional can lose time, money and real career opportunities, suffering tangible damage in addition to emotional frustration.

The Psychology of “Ghosting”: Why Do People Ghost?

Those who practice ghosting rarely do so out of calculated malice.The main reasons, as analyzed by the European Institute of Positive Psychology (IEPP), lie in the "ghost" itself:

Loss of interest: Often, especially in online dating, the person simply has lost interest and does not consider it necessary to give explanations.
Conflict Avoidance: La fear of having a difficult conversation, to manage the emotional reaction (anger, sadness) of the other person.
Emotional immaturity: THEinability to take responsibility for one's actions and communicate your feelings in an adult way.
Convenience: It's the easiest and fastest way out, which it does not require any emotional effort.

How to behave if you are “Ghosted”

How can we escape the limbo and deafening silence? Here's what psychologists recommend:

What NOT to do:

Sending angry or offensive messages.
“Spamming” the person with calls and messages in an attempt to force a response (so-called “message bombardment”).
Try to contact her through friends or fake social profiles.

What to DO:

Send one last message: A non-accusatory, yet clear, message that expresses your confusion and establishes a point (e.g., "I notice you've disappeared. I'm sorry, but I can't keep waiting. I wish you all the best.") This serves more to help you than to the other person, to make a point.
Set a “limit”: Mentally decide that after a certain number of days without a response, the matter is closed.
Take control: block. After accepting the situation, blocking the person can be a cathartic act to regain control and prevent a possible return (“zombieing”).
Focus on self-care: Shift the energy invested in “why?” onto self-care (hobbies, friends, sports).

Does someone ghost you? Decoding a painful question.

The fact that many of those who are “ghosted” find themselves thinking and asking, where possible, whether the person is thinking of them is perhaps the clearest manifestation of the pain caused by this phenomenon.

These people are looking for a reassuranceIt's a desperate attempt to find meaning in silence, to hope that the other person is still thinking of him/her, perhaps with regret.

The honest answer is: perhaps, but not in the way those who have been left behind hope.

As suggested by psychologists, It's likely that whoever ghosted you is thinking about it, but his thoughts are probably centered on himself: the guilt for having behaved badly, the shame for his own cowardice, or more simply the relief for avoiding an unpleasant situation.

Those who experience ghosting must understand that this question is a trap. Seeking meaning in the "ghost's" behavior means remaining attached to them.

The real cure, as specialists indicate, is to accept that the non-response is itself a response: it is a clear demonstration of the lack of respect and consideration for the other person.

Shift focus da “why did he do it?” a “Do I deserve such treatment?” is the first step to start healing..

What do we learn from ghosting?

In an age that celebrates thehyper-connection as an absolute value, ghosting emerges as its most dark paradoxIt's not just rudeness; it's a social symptom.

It reflects a growing collective inability to manage conflict and take emotional responsibility for one's actionsUltimately, the prevalence of ghosting tells us nothing about those who suffer from it, but it tells us everything about our own fear of difficult conversation.

Demonstrate, with a silent violence, that the ease with which we can “disconnect” digitally is perhaps making us unlearning what it means to remain human.

Ghosting hurts more than rejection: the Italian study explains why