How to deal with a relationship crisis after the birth of a child

COUPLE CRISIS AFTER THE BIRTH OF A CHILD

It's called the dB Era, or the post-baby era. When everything changes for a couple, and immense happiness can even be combined with the waste of a life as a couple . Who puts him to bed, who gets up when he wakes, who feeds him early in the morning, who gives him a bath (on time) in the evening. And then: who will read him stories and who will take him to nursery school, while perhaps there is work to be done at home and outside. These questions are already explosive within a couple impacted by the dB Era: but you must add that with the bundle of joy everything changes, even in terms of attraction (physical and mental) and attention, spaces and sharing. Therefore, you must equip yourself, and you must also be ready to let complaints, grumbles and even a few screams roll off your back, with magical lightness and gentle tolerance.

READ ALSO: Raising children: we are too protective and raise children who are not very independent.

CONTINUE TO COMMUNICATE

Keep communicating. Communication is essential within a couple, even when time seems to be taken up mostly by childcare commitments . Always ask each other what your partner needs, what makes them happy, what their expectations and disappointments are. Never give up on dialogue and, if necessary, mutual support.

GOOD, YES, BUT NOT TOO MUCH

Don't overdo the kindness. Granted: children, especially in their early years, inspire infinite kindness. But don't overdo it. Don't question a newborn's right to be discontent, and equally, accept your own feelings. Even when they're negative.

DISCUSSING EDUCATION

Discuss parenting. It's a good idea to do this right from the start: everyone can have their own ideas about raising their children, but it's important to have open discussions. It's also a good compromise not to have both parents play the same role: if a father is stricter, the mother will be more tolerant, and vice versa.

PROTECT CHILDREN

Always protect your children. Beware of involving them in your domestic arguments, large or small. Nor should you even dream of asking them to take sides. These are unfair practices that unfortunately Italian parents tend to adopt, especially during times of high family tension. This causes their children great suffering.

DON'T NEGLECT YOUR PARTNER

Don't neglect your bond with those close to you. The birth of a child shouldn't alter the level of attention you pay to your partner. Continue to put them first. And don't give up the game of seduction and companionship. Share movies and fun evenings with friends, exchange affectionate and even erotic text messages, surprise each other with unexpected gifts. In a word: court the person closest to you. In your new family balance, you are no longer alone with your partner, but the child isn't the only thing that matters. Preserve and protect spaces where your intimacy as a couple is preserved, and when possible, even take a vacation alone, just the two of you, like you used to be. And avoid becoming a sort of "steadfast couple" with your child.

TO EACH THEIR OWN RESPONSIBILITIES

Be responsible. If there's a problem, if clouds gather on the horizon of life, don't try to shift everything, starting with the blame, onto others. Your partner or, worse, your child. Assume your responsibilities and fight the battle of life head-on. Be careful to avoid invading your family's home. It's one thing to offer support and warmth, but it's another to overdo it and become a permanent fixture in the life of the new family formed with the arrival of your child.

COURTSHIP AND PASSION

Love remains essential. It may seem trivial, but it's a key element in a couple's life. Beware of extinguishing the flame of love ; you risk being reduced to just two friends living together. And love also means sacrifice and courtship, passion and romance.

AUTONOMY

Long live autonomy. The sooner you teach your children the value of autonomy, the better it will be for everyone. First and foremost, because of the challenges they face, which they can't remain dependent on their parents' judgment and intervention. Furthermore, the more independent your children are, the more time and resources you'll have to dedicate to your partner.

MANAGING TANTRUMS

Seriousness doesn't hurt. Not to be confused with excessive pessimism. A parent 's first duty is to take children's feelings seriously, without always giving in to their tantrums, but still trying to understand where their discomfort is coming from. Always explain, even when they're young, why their requests are unreasonable.

UNITY OF THE COUPLE

Be united. Couple unity, it seems, through good times and bad, is an essential requirement for long-term cohabitation. And a united couple is also to the complete benefit of your children. And don't be shy with friends and peers; talk to other couples who are in the same situation as you. You might get some helpful tips.

EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT PARENTAL LEAVE:

• Parental leave: Branson companies offer a guaranteed year of leave and full pay.
• Fathers on leave can stay home with their babies: a civilized law in favor of women.
• Vouchers for personal services. A helping hand for working women.
• Fathers back in the family and women less alone with their children
• Company daycare: balancing work and family is easier.