How to Make a Marriage Last Longer

Marriages are increasingly rare (173.272 in Italy in 2024, a 5,9 percent decrease from 2023 and a further 6 percent decrease in 2025), and they are lasting less and less (the average duration, considering couples who divorce and separate, is between 15 and 16 years), while the average age of spouses is increasingly higher (34,8 years for men and 32,8 years for women). Obviously, there's no magic formula for making a marriage last longer or raising the average, but there are certainly some elements that can allow a couple to live a long life, and these are almost always simple things, small, almost natural gestures. Simply put, mutual respect is important, as are patience and kindness . And balance, passion, and the ability to renew the marital pact, even by resuming courtship, are also important. Small gestures include even the most trivial attentions (forgetting your spouse's birthday is considered offensive, a sign of disinterest and distraction) as well as moments of intimacy, affection, and physical desire.

Index of topics

Make light of arguments

Try making a marital pact: defuse arguments. And end them, when they arise, within 24 hours. Don't drag them out indefinitely. Prolonging them further risks fomenting unnecessary resentment. The risk, if you overemphasize even a trivial argument and drag it out, is that you'll spark a chain of disputes, or reopen old conflicts that were easily tolerated and effectively erased. To save a marriage, to make it last, to cultivate it with the right amount of balance and passion , as we've seen, not too many words are needed. A few important signals are enough. Sometimes long explanations, debates that drag on in installments, words that pile up on words, do more harm than good to a couple's life. And yet, a silent embrace , just one, puts an end to any conflict.

Respect and differences

Respect isn't a generic concept; it also includes an awareness of diversity. And being able, over time and without pressure, to accept each other, both with their own strengths and weaknesses. Here, a key factor comes into play for a lasting marriage: lightheartedness . This also means humor, and not getting up on high horsees and lecturing the spouse deemed "undisciplined."

To listen

Everyone, especially in the intimacy of a couple's life and its sometimes nerve-wracking daily routine, has the right to be heard and the duty to listen. This means not burying a problem in the sand, but not blowing it out of proportion and making it unsolvable. And it means being frank, even if it's not always useful or necessary to "tell each other everything." Confidentiality can also apply to oneself.

Sharing responsibilities

It's not about "who brings home the money" (these days, almost always, there are two of them...), but managing finances, the home, and the children requires a shared responsibility. And at the same time, a division of roles, remembering that the father is not a friend, and the mother is not a helicopter constantly on standby for emergency room interventions.

Dividing roles with respect to children

Agree on a healthy division of roles with your children. It's pointless and counterproductive for both of you to be strict, or vice versa. Try to alternate while maintaining a common goal. A father who becomes a friend to his child, losing prestige, function, and authority, is highly counterproductive and harmful, even for marital life. Or a helicopter mother who is overly present and protective in her children's lives.

Housework for both of you

Establish an equitable division of workloads with future newborns, and perhaps even with household chores you can't delegate to others. Mutual support is essential, and statistics show that many separations arise from the excessive burden of housework and general household management on the woman's shoulders.

Complicity

The bond within a long-term couple leads two hearts to beat in unison . This isn't a hunch, but the result of a study by researchers at the University of Illinois published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. Field research conducted on couples married for at least 14 years found that their heart rate causes their hearts to beat in unison. If one spouse's heart rate changes, so does the other's. And vice versa. In essence, a couple's consolidated love leads husband and wife to live in perfect synchrony—even cardiac synchrony.

Carve out your own spaces

And carve out some space for yourselves: a couple can't be overwhelmed by family commitments, especially those with children. Sometimes, to rediscover harmony, smiles, happiness , and passion, a short trip alone (you're using the right accents here, I can't seem to get it from my computer) is all it takes. Just like when you were engaged. Separate spaces in each other's lives, too; not everything needs to be done together.

Back to courting

When a marriage cools, and this can be natural, someone needs to take the initiative (theoretically, the man should) and resume courtship, as they did during the engagement. This is a practical, simple, and effective way to restore vitality to the couple, rediscover new emotions, and even prevent the return of heart palpitations.

Passions and interests to share

Discuss your passions and interests that can unite you. And try to find a variety of them: they'll help you cope with the daily grind of a marriage. These could be hobbies, sports, travel, or mutual friends.

Sexual life

Agree on what you mean by "a satisfying sex life." And reach an agreement. It shouldn't be predetermined, of course, but its importance shouldn't be underestimated either.

Eternal love

It's not true that eternal love doesn't exist in earthly life. On the contrary, it has very specific features.

How to make a marriage last a long time