Ingratitude: Face it without regrets

Gratitude is good for you . Very good. It's not just the general psychological and physical well-being that comes from positive thoughts. There's much more, according to a series of scientific studies published by the world's leading universities. Gratitude improves heart rate and can even normalize it when it's not as regular as it should be. It increases hormones that help slow our aging, and in this sense, it's even useful for keeping our cognitive abilities sharp and in shape. It strengthens our immune system, and as such, is a valuable form of prevention.

HOW TO DEAL WITH INGRATETUDE

Yet, as often happens with virtues that should be natural, we continually squander gratitude and its benefits , almost despising it and failing to recognize it. Instead, we allow ourselves to be seduced by its opposite, the negative feeling of ingratitude.

READ ALSO: We've launched a newsletter to bring you the best Non sprecare content. To subscribe, click here.

HOW TO OVERCOME INGRATETUDE

Central to great literature, universal literature, as well as to great cinema, from Hollywood to Italian neorealism, is certainly one of the most evoked and narrated human dispositions, with all its shadows: ingratitude . Extremely timely, with all the wounds it opens, in a time when we are all in a hurry and struggle to remember, even when doing so would be our sacred duty.

I read philosopher Duccio Demetrio's book, Ingratitude (Raffaello Cortina Editore), in one sitting, with its dry and clear title, and I realized how timely this word is for deciphering the discontent , anger , distrust , and aggression we are accumulating in our personal relationships and collective behavior. Now more than ever, for example, we feel distant from institutions, we no longer recognize their function (and yet they have given us so much and guarantee us even more in terms of the future), and we unload all our frustrations on them. What are they? First and foremost, indignation at those who should lead, govern, and operate institutions in the general interest of the community and not according to their own personal and sometimes greedy objectives. It is as if every spark of passion and interest in the common good has been extinguished, every vital impulse to exercise generosity , which remains an essential ingredient in public life as well as in the private sphere.

READ MORE: How to Apologize the Right Way. Five Tips and Mistakes to Avoid

Ingratitude is an ancient evil, I would say genetic, and none of us can claim to be immune. Sooner or later, often or rarely, we all cause pain, suffering, and dismay to those who expected to receive at least a "thank you" and instead felt trampled by our ingratitude . Confucius said, with great wisdom: "Do not do good if you do not have the strength to bear ingratitude." Therefore, each of us must deal with the feeling of ingratitude, which can run parallel to resentment and envy, as Demetrius' book urges us. Starting from the fact that ingratitude is a loss of memory , and this also explains the current situation well: suffocated as we are by the present, we struggle to cultivate a good memory, to preserve long-standing roots in our relationship with time. And we become much more exposed to the risk of ruthlessness, of the loss of a heart and a feeling, which are combined with ingratitude.

HOW TO REACT TO INGRATETUDE

Can we defend ourselves from this drift? Are there weapons at our disposal to cure ourselves of ingratitude, especially its chronic form? Of course: cultivating memory is already a good antidote . For example, making an effort to remember, with respect to those we criticize even violently today, how much we received from that person, or from their actions, before. How much debt we have accumulated towards them. Memory, in this sense, becomes present life, a sort of natural remedy against the ruthless advance of ingratitude, and allows us to keep our feet on the ground, to breathe a moment before screaming out our (ungrateful) anger. Finally, I would like to try to convince readers that ingratitude is a great waste . Of memory , as we have seen, with its sweetness and also its strength. Of feelings , since by entangling ourselves in ingratitude we are condemned to break human (individual) and social (collective) relationships. Of time , because ingratitude, like resentment, festers within us, wears us down, and causes us to consume—or rather, waste—energy and time. Conversely, distancing ourselves from the slide toward ingratitude improves our quality of life, brings light into the darkness of our soul, and gives us a sense of fulfillment and confident tolerance. These are things that signify well-being and serenity.

Sign up for our newsletter to stay up-to-date. Click here!

UNGRATEFUL PEOPLE

INGRATITUDE FAMOUS QUOTES

• "Ingratitude is always a form of weakness. I have never seen excellent men who were ungrateful." Johann Wolfgang Goethe

Even though appearances may show us the opposite, in reality the ungrateful person is a weak person, He is afraid to acknowledge what he has received, also because he does not feel confident in his qualities. He does not possess personality traits or authority. Generally, he has the specific weight of a feather, and none of the
Calvinian lightness.

• "Ingratitude is the daughter of pride." Miguel de Cervantes

Another characteristic of the ungrateful is their arrogance and pride. They show off the strength of the weak. This is a way to hide their guilt, even from themselves.

• "He who denies a benefit received is ungrateful; he who conceals it is ungrateful; he who does not return it is ungrateful; he who forgets it is the most ungrateful of all." Seneca

There are different kinds and degrees of ingratitude. Certainly, on this scale, at the top of the list, in terms of severity and intensity, we must place those who intentionally lose their memory and forget, through ingratitude, what they have received through generosity.

• "Woe to those who work while waiting for the praise of the world. The world is a bad payer and always pays with
  ingratitude" St John Bosco

A Christian saint is very close, in terms of ingratitude, to a Chinese philosopher. More or less, Saint John Bosco and Confucius say the same thing: the world, let's say those who inhabit it, are not naturally inclined to gratitude . If anything, the opposite.

THE IMPORTANCE OF GRATITUDE AND GENEROSITY:

• Why it pays to be polite
• How to Save a Marriage and Make It Last
• The importance of apologizing. A keyword we've removed.