First thing: don't be scared. The tendency to say Lies some children It's part of their evolutionary path, of their growth, of their distancing from their parents. And in fact, among the reasons that most push children, even very young, to say Lies, there is a need to escape the rigid controls of parents, or not to disappoint them by giving an image of oneself that is not appreciated by mom or dad.
CHILDREN'S LIES
Punishing, or threatening, does not help to prevent the children They tell lies. Neurological science, combined with pedagogy, advises parents on the right tools to avoid a natural tendency in children. Think that already at the age of two years old Infants they learn to tell lies, initially to deny having done something wrong even when it's obvious; then, from the age of three onwards, they also learn "good" lies, also called "white" lies, those inspired by the best intentions; and from the age of three to five, they progressively refine their tendency to hide the truth.
ALSO READ: Educate without yelling. Anger is useless.
WHY DO CHILDREN TELL LIES?
The scientists' question is this: What can adults, starting with parents, do to encourage children to tell the truth? A group of researchers from McGill University conducted a detailed study on a large sample of volunteer children between the ages of 3 and 8, using the temptation resistance test, i.e., by inducing them to lie. The results were surprising: the threat of punishment ("if you don't tell the truth, there's trouble") had no effect in 80 percent of cases, while explanatory techniques proved more effective. For example, explaining how and why telling the truth makes you happier, or why it's the right thing to do. A method of persuasion and reassurance at the same time. More complex and laborious than the simple threat of punishment, but certainly with much more convincing results. Finally, confirmation of the usefulness of an ancient and natural remedy: tell fairy tales and legends help children discover the importance and meaning of truth.
WHY KIDS LIE
According to a study published in the
Journal of Adolescence,More than half of children lie to their parents to gain new experiences, or out of necessity. For example, when they go on a scooter ride with a friend and know their parents don't like this behavior. The study, coordinated by Judith Smetana of the Department of Psychology at the University of Rochester, revealed some very interesting surprises regarding children's lies to their parents. First, on many occasions, children's lies aren't outright lies, but rather a smoothing of facts, a nuance between what is said and what isn't said, a concealment of reality. One more reason to
don't use shouting in children's education
Second, girls open up more easily, tell the truth sooner, and generally have a closer relationship with their parents. Third, there's a tendency to keep any romantic relationships, even small flirtations, a secret from friends to avoid the risk of conflict or peer competition. Fourth, the moment of truth generally arrives when kids have achieved their goal or are convinced they'll be discovered.
HOW TO DEAL WITH CHILDREN'S LIES
As we have seen, the
Lies of children are one
self-defense tool. Even from boredom, from feeling neglected or too pressured.
lie It is also the response to a reprimand or a punishment that is considered unfair and that one does not want to accept. And in any case, the first way to deal with it, as parents, is to understand the motivation. Starting from the assumption that parents must not set a bad example, and avoid
Lies. First of all with the children. The
lie It is a creative aspect of children's lives, a sign that their imagination is well stimulated and that an energy waiting to be developed is growing within their souls.
LYING CHILDREN
I lying children should only start to worry above a certain threshold. That is, when we understand that the Lies They arise from stress, trauma, a feeling of not being accepted. And they become serial. Before choosing a behavior, we must know what triggered the attitude. lie usual in children.
HOW TO BEHAVE WITH THOSE WHO SAY LIES?
From what we've said, behavior toward a lying child varies based on different motivations. What remains in common, in any case, are a few things we must consider:
- The meaning of lieWhere does it come from? From a problem or a simple flight of fancy?
- The severity of the lie, which can be, as they say in jargon, "white", that is, completely harmless
- The futility of automatic punishments. A punishment must, if anything, be commensurate with the severity of the offenses. Lies and the tendency to repeat them frequently. Otherwise, they will only be counterproductive and have an adverse effect.
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HOW TO MAKE THEM STOP SAYING LIES TO THE CHILDREN?
Once we have evaluated the motivations of the Lies and their genesis, then we can implement some useful countermeasures. With absolute ease. For example:
- Listen to the child, let him speak freely without forcing him to tell the truth
- Make fun of him, together
- Explain and share the damage of Lies. And how easy it is to unmask them
- Encourage the child to tell the truth by showing him, in a very practical way, the most important advantages
- Do not hurt him with excessive rebukes and punishments. Even if the rigor of truth must always be sought inchildren's education.
LIES IN CHILDREN AGED THREE TO FIVE
From three to five years old the child is a dreamerHis imagination pushes him to avoid drawing a clear and uncrossable line between reality and fiction: this is where his lies can arise, completely harmlessly. They are mostly visions, imaginations, mental constructs. They should absolutely not be frustrated with harsh reprimands or scoldings: this is an age when the child is developing his imagination. Let him.
LIES BY SCHOOL-AGE CHILDREN
Things change radically with school. A child's life is overwhelmed by commitments, deadlines, schedules to meet, and things to do. Homework and grades fluctuate like tango dancers. At this age, the child who is just starting out
to adolescence They may be inclined to tell lies to defend themselves. They want to hide a bad grade and avoid a reprimand, they feel defeated by comparison with other classmates, and they don't want to disappoint their parents. The most effective educational principle, now more than ever, is simple: "Maximum freedom, maximum responsibility." And once this is absorbed, the self-defense lies will disappear. At least those.
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